


Almost the Real Thing

by Rushlight



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-31
Updated: 2001-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:19:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11341680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rushlight/pseuds/Rushlight
Summary: A gratuitous PWP in which Krycek learns that having his fantasies come true may come at a higher cost than he is willing to pay.





	Almost the Real Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Almost the Real Thing by Rushlight

Title: Almost the Real Thing  
Author: Rushlight ()  
Author's Website: http://www.slashcity.org/~rushlight  
Pairing: M/K  
Rating: NC-17  
Spoilers: I don't think so...  
Archive: RatB, DitB, my website  
Feedback: yes, please! Any comments, encouragement, critique, etc. will be endlessly appreciated. :) -- --  
Disclaimer: These characters are the property of each other (not me!) and there is no money being made off of this. For entertainment purposes only.  
Acknowledgments: Many thanks go to Jennie for a thorough beta-reading, and for unconditional moral support. That includes hand-holding for insecure writers breaking into a new fandom. :)  
Summary: A gratuitous PWP in which Krycek learns that having his fantasies come true may come at a higher cost than he is willing to pay.  
Author's Notes: This is my very first X-Files slashfic, so I would really appreciate some feedback on it. Liked my characterizations? Thought they were horrendously awful? Please let me know! It's the only way I'll learn...

* * *

Almost the Real Thing  
by Rushlight

Mulder dropped his keys on the table by the door and shrugged out of his coat, hanging it neatly on the rack beside the sofa. He moved into the kitchen without looking up, seeming to navigate the cluttered confines of the small apartment with the unerring confidence of a rat well-used to the maze it lived in.

"You want a beer?" he said, without turning to look over his shoulder.

Alex watched him closely through lidded eyes as he moved to hang up his coat beside Mulder's. "Uh ... sure," he said, still not quite sure what to make of the invitation to come up here. Mulder had said that he wanted to spend some time with him outside of work, and Alex had accepted the suggestion readily enough. Anything that drew him closer into the confidence of this man was a good thing. Nevertheless, he was a little uneasy with the casual familiarity that Mulder seemed to have with him being inside his home. Surely Mulder couldn't have fallen under the spell of shy, worshipful Special Agent Alex Krycek enough to begin spilling his innermost secrets already.

Or maybe that was just his own guilty conscience speaking - after all, he had only been Mulder's partner for a handful of weeks now, and there was no way Mulder could suspect that he wasn't what he seemed to be. It had taken a lot of effort to win the man's trust, but it was beginning to look as if he'd managed it at last. The thought brought with it very little in the way of satisfaction.

The truth was, he liked Mulder. Sure, the guy could be annoying as hell at times, but he was actually pleasant to be around, in an endearingly frustrating kind of way. He was highly driven, obsessive even, but then didn't those terms apply to Alex himself?

Alex had seen the way the other agents treated Mulder, the way they talked about him behind his back, and it made him angry that they wouldn't take the time to see through the rather obvious barriers that Mulder had set up around himself. Mulder was a man who cared absolutely nothing about what other people thought of him, and that was rare enough in this world of half-baked conspiracies and personal propaganda. Mulder was wounded in ways that the eyes couldn't see, and like an injured animal, he hid himself behind walls of carefully erected barricades designed to scare off anyone who might dare to draw too close.

In many ways, Alex couldn't help but think, they were a lot alike.

Mulder came out of the kitchen then carrying two chilled beer cans in his left hand. He had unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and rolled up the sleeves over his forearms, which gave him an unexpectedly casual demeanor, catching Alex completely off guard. He didn't know why, but for some reason he hadn't pictured Mulder as anything but the straight-laced FBI operative, and the sight of him actually letting his guard down enough to unwind a bit was disarming. It made him seem ... well, *human* somehow, in a way that he hadn't before. And that was just absurd, really.

One of Mulder's eyebrows quirked as he came into the room, and Alex realized he was still hovering in front of the door, poised as if he were ready to flee at any moment. He flushed lightly, wondering what Mulder must think of him. The glint of green in Mulder's eyes deepened slightly, and he didn't quite smile as he gestured toward the couch.

"You want to sit down? I'm not going to bite."

There was a wry twist of humor in his voice that seemed self-directed. Alex wondered if Mulder was wondering what was going on in *his* head, wondered if maybe he was regretting accepting the invitation to come up to the apartment of the FBI's self-proclaimed outcast and basement-dweller. Fox Mulder, the Thing Not Spoken Of, seeker of Truth, tirelessly chasing after an endless trail of broken dreams. Alex wondered suddenly when the last time was that Mulder had felt comfortable enough with anyone to invite them to his apartment to share a couple of beers. Such an innocuous, minor thing, but Alex sensed that it meant a world of difference to the other man. Acceptance - it was what they were all searching for, in their own way.

"Yeah," he said, making his decision quickly. He stepped forward to take one of the cans from Mulder's hand and popped the top on it easily, taking refuge behind the cold slide of the liquid that burned down his throat as he took his first sip. He settled onto the couch with a casualness he was far from feeling, and he couldn't help himself from sweeping his gaze over the room around him as he did so.

Everything around him spoke of a casual comfort that he had been years from experiencing. There was something unaccountably *Mulder-ish* about it that was evident in everything from the haphazardly stacked books on the shelf against the far wall, to the detritus of floppy disks and candy wrappers and unfiled papers on top of the computer desk next to the couch, to the brightly colored fish that flitted about inside the aquarium. The apartment was ... comfortable, warm. Lived-in and well-loved, despite the obvious lack of attention devoted to it. When was the last time Alex had lived anywhere long enough to make his imprint in this way? For the first time, he felt a twist of envy for the other man.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Alex looked back in surprise and found Mulder sitting beside him, one arm draped across the back of the couch. He was taking a drink of his beer, but his eyes were serious as they met Alex's over the rim of the can.

Alex found himself smiling, and it occurred to him that the expression must seem every bit as wry and self-directed as it did on Mulder. "Don't waste your money," he said lightly, wincing inwardly at the bitter ring that hid behind the words.

Something in Mulder's eyes darkened at that, and he slid the barest bit closer across the couch, so that the fingers of his hand could brush up against Alex's shoulder. Alex found himself leaning into the touch without thinking about it, glad for the uncomplicated comfort that it offered.

"You did good out there today." Mulder's voice was low, obviously meant to be encouraging.

Alex nodded, giving in with some relief to the assumption that he was disturbed by the events of the past few weeks. For newbie Agent Alex Krycek, being thrown head-first into the middle of an X-file would undoubtedly be a traumatic experience. He steadfastly refused to admit to himself that he felt pleased to have earned a compliment from his stoic partner.

"I ... I guess I'm just not used to this sort of thing." Time to turn on the charm and reassure both Mulder and himself that the role he was playing was real. He leaned forward a little, pinning Mulder with his most earnest look, as if he were consciously *willing* him to understand. "I mean, I want to believe you. I've always wanted to believe in you. But..." He let his voice trail off, trying to tell himself that his confusion was just an act. This was just another job, after all. Just another link in the chain that held him bound to the people who owned him. It wasn't as if he actually felt a *connection* to this man, as if he actually wished, deep down, that they could become friends.

"I know you do." There was something in the way Mulder said it that made Alex think he meant more than what he said. He was still trying to puzzle out the nuances behind the words when Mulder touched his shoulder again and set his beer down on the coffee table in front of them.

Never had Alex wished more strongly for telepathic powers. What the hell kind of thoughts were spinning behind that shuttered hazel gaze? Mulder had invited him up here for beer and conversation, nothing major, nothing life-altering. But what the hell did he want? *Be his partner,* Alex's masters had told him. *Get him to trust you.* Well, here he was, apparently (finally) on the in with Mulder, and now what? What was he supposed to do now? His mouth was dry, and he took a hasty sip of his beer to hide his sudden discomfort. Damn it, but he was starting to feel like a nervous teenager on his first date.

"Hey." Mulder's fingers moved up from Alex's shoulder to stroke lightly across the side of his jaw, and Alex tensed instantly, a whole clamor of warning bells going off in his head. He stared, wide-eyed, but Mulder was just looking at him with that same, damnable look of studied calm on his face. Waiting.

"Uh, Mulder..." His voice didn't seem to want to work, so he cleared his throat and tried it again. "Mulder, I..." And he couldn't even seem to finish the damned sentence, because Mulder's fingers were sliding up along the edge of his jaw now to touch the soft skin behind his ear, and Alex swore they were leaving a trail of branded skin behind them.

*Fuck*. Alex closed his eyes but didn't pull away from the damning touch. He shivered lightly as Mulder's fingers slid back down over the arch of his cheekbone and hovered lightly underneath his jaw.

"Alex," Mulder said quietly, and there was a note to his voice that made Alex clench his fists in frantic denial of the feelings that were coursing through him. He sounded ... hesitant, but hopeful. "You can tell me to stop, you know."

Was this why Mulder had invited him up here tonight? The thought made Alex bite back a surge of near-hysteric laughter. Heaven knew he was attracted to the man, had in fact fantasized about this very moment on more than one occasion over the past few weeks. But in all his fantasies, it had just been sex, pure and undiluted and utterly without complication. He hadn't expected there to be this ... this weird kind of *symbiosis* between them. Did Mulder feel it? Or was he just giving in to the impulse to touch the face that even Alex's enemies were quick to compare to artworks and statues and fallen angels?

"God, no," he whispered, but whether that was in answer to Mulder's statement or a last frantic denial of what was happening between them, he didn't know. He didn't react as Mulder took his beer from nerveless fingers and set it down on the table beside his own, then slid forward so that their thighs just barely brushed together, sending a spark of near unbearable energy skittering along Alex's nerves. Keeping his eyes closed, he tried again. "You don't know me, Mulder."

"I think I know enough about you." Mulder's hand slid up to cup the back of Alex's neck, and Alex found himself leaning into it, his body's reactions completely at odds with the frantic apprehension that pounded through his veins. He didn't know what he was so scared of, didn't know why those light touches should generate such a surge of unholy terror within him, but he seemed helpless to resist them regardless. "I know that you haven't punched me in the gut for touching you and run screaming from the room yet." There was a wry smile in the words. "That has to be a good sign."

Alex could hear the tentative humor in Mulder's voice, and he smiled slightly, unable to help himself. It certainly wasn't the first time that someone had come on to him like this, and he regained a little of his confidence as he felt himself fall into the old familiar rhythms of the dance. So Mulder wanted sex from him? Alex's masters would be pleased, as this gave them even more to hold over their nemesis. Sex he could do, without a doubt - and had done on more than one occasion, in pursuit of the job. And if it was more than just sex on Mulder's part, so much the better. It was a perfect opportunity to draw Mulder in, leave him open and vulnerable and ready for whatever those in power wanted to do to him.

Except that Alex couldn't resist the unpleasant feeling that it wasn't Mulder who was being left open and vulnerable here. It made no sense at all, and he fought against it, not understanding the sudden turmoil of emotion that slithered through him. Suddenly he just wanted to be far away from here, away from this apartment, away from this man, away from this whole goddamned ridiculous assignment. But, of course, that had never been his call to make.

He let his fears go with a soft sigh and gave in to the moment, letting Mulder know without words that he was okay with this, that he wanted this to continue. Mulder's thumb traced up along the edge of his jaw to touch the edge of his mouth, and Alex parted his lips slightly, giving voice to the reluctant desire he felt with one brief exhalation.

Mulder responded immediately, his fingers tightening around the back of Alex's neck as he leaned in to brush their lips together. Alex held himself very still, stunned by the sheer gentleness of the kiss, as their breaths joined together, warming the air between them. Mulder's other hand slid over his arm, soothing him, and Alex allowed himself to relax for the first time since he'd stepped into Mulder's apartment. There was a kind of creature comfort in simply being held, in being touched, that he hadn't allowed himself to feel for a very long time.

And what the hell did it matter, anyway? It was just sex. Just a brief physical connection between two consenting adults, and when had he ever quailed from a freely offered roll in the hay? No promises given or asked for - neat, clean, and unemotional. Just what the doctor ordered.

He gave in to the slow kiss gradually, moving his lips under the patient caress of the other man's mouth. Alex inhaled sharply as he caught his first sharp taste of Mulder, and he immediately parted his lips to taste it again. There was something intoxicating about being inside this man's arms, as if Fox Mulder were a highly addictive drug that he had just discovered his obsession for. He let his arms slide up around Mulder's back as the other man deepened the kiss, startling him with the first soft flicker of his tongue.

Mulder drew back slightly then and met Alex's gaze from only inches away. There was something heartbreakingly open about his expression -something *tender* - that made Alex cringe.

"You okay, Alex?" Mulder ran one finger down over the edge of Alex's cheekbone, drawing another subdued shiver out of him. His breathing had acquired a strained rasp to it that was playing havoc with Alex's libido.

"Yeah." Not exactly truth, but truth was overrated anyway. Despite his effort to appear relaxed about this, Mulder must have seen something in his eyes because he started to pull back slightly. Alex grabbed hold of his wrist and held onto him like a drowning man. "Please, Mulder," he said, barely recognizing his own voice. "I do want this. It's just..."

Something in Mulder's expression had darkened. "You don't have to be here, Alex." Already, Alex could feel the other man withdrawing from him, regretting what he'd instigated, and he reached out to cup his hand over Mulder's cheek, hating the unemotional mask that was falling down across his eyes.

"It's been a while for me, okay?" And that much was true, at least. His tentative admission seemed to have the desired effect, because Mulder stopped trying to pull away from him. Warm hazel eyes with entirely too much intelligence behind them studied his face for a long moment, and Alex had to force himself not to twitch under the blatant appraisal that he saw there.

Then Mulder leaned in to kiss him again, slow and sweet, and Alex melted under it, leaning back against the corner of the couch as Mulder's long body draped over him. Dear god, the man was a furnace, all heat and motion and heartfelt, irresistible need. Mulder's breath rasped as he bent to nip at the skin above Alex's collarbone, and Alex took bizarre triumph in the fact that he wasn't the only one being affected by this rather odd encounter.

A sudden sense of impending doom made him pull Mulder's head up to his again, and Mulder responded to him beautifully, warm tongue sliding in against his own as if he were planning on settling in to live there. Alex's fingers slid eagerly through the other man's soft, short hair, loving the faint scratch of it against his palms. Mulder tasted so good, so dark and rich and undeniably addictive, and Alex gave in to the tender assault wholeheartedly, glad for the excuse to ignore what Mulder's words were telling him, what his eyes were telling him...

Mulder's hands were moving over him now, massaging the muscles of his chest through the fabric of his shirt. Alex arched into the touch, panting, as strong fingers worked at his tie, undoing the buttons there, sliding the thin fabric aside as they burrowed up underneath his white T-shirt to stroke across his chest. He made a soft sound as Mulder's lips brushed over the skin below his ear, and he tipped his head back in mute entreaty, closing his eyes.

"Shh." Mulder's voice was a warm breath across his skin, chased by the lightest lingering touch of tongue and teeth. "I want to make you feel good, Alex. Will you let me do that?"

Alex stared up at the ceiling, blinking back the bitter sting that rose up in his eyes as he smoothed his hands over Mulder's back. He certainly hadn't anticipated this degree of tenderness in the other man's lovemaking, and he found himself nodding in response to the unexpected question, giving Mulder his tacit permission to continue.

He honestly hadn't expected this, hadn't expected it to be like this. He'd known that Mulder was a passionate man, driven, focused on his goals, but there was no way he would have anticipated this ... this degree of cautious affection in the way he touched him. As if Mulder were afraid to push too hard, afraid to frighten him away. Alex felt as if his nerves were standing about two inches outside of his body, and they were quivering in suppressed agitation as he fought to retain some manner of control over the situation.

Lips trailed down over the surface of Alex's skin, tracing the curve of his throat. Mulder's hand was warm on the side of his neck, thumb massaging just underneath his jaw as strong fingers carded into the hair at the back of his head. Alex arched into the touch, breathing heavily, and Mulder moved to kiss him again, tongue slipping smoothly in past the barrier of lips and teeth to slide its heated length against his own.

Alex sighed as Mulder's fingers moved across his chest, smoothing the tremors out of him. Mulder met his gaze with a small smile; his eyes were warm with emotion, startlingly dark. He trailed the backs of his fingers down Alex's bared chest and massaged lightly just above the waistband of his pants. Alex arched his hips up into the touch without thinking, and Mulder leaned in to kiss him again, devouring his mouth with all the enthusiasm of a child who had just been gifted with the world's most fabulous candy.

Alex moaned faintly, returning the kiss with a passion that startled him, and his hands clenched mindlessly over the shirt that covered the warm muscles of Mulder's back, massaging gently. Mulder groaned in approval, rubbing the whole length of his body against him, and Alex could feel the hard heat of the other man's arousal press against his thigh, branding him.

"You want to move this into the bedroom?" Mulder asked in a voice gone suddenly dark and hoarse with need. His sigh was a hot breath across Alex's ear.

Alex shivered, feeling for a moment as if he wanted to throw Mulder off of him and bolt from the room. The fear pounded through him again, momentarily paralyzing him. What the *fuck* was he afraid of? It was just sex. Just sex, and since when had fucking on the job ever been a problem for him?

"Yes," he whispered, knowing that he had never meant anything more truthfully in his entire life.

He was irritated to find himself shaking. Mulder didn't seem to notice as he stood up from the couch, and Alex followed him without protest, leaning into the hands that guided him. Mulder never stopped touching him as they made their way back into the bedroom, and Alex felt absurdly grateful for that simple contact.

Mulder's bedroom was simple, filled near to capacity with a queen-sized bed, a bookshelf, a nightstand, and a small bureau with double-depth drawers. It seemed almost ... impersonal in a way, as if Mulder didn't spend a great deal of time here and thus hadn't invested as much of himself in it as he had in other areas of the apartment. Alex thought again of the Mulder he held in his mind's eye, who was far too devoted to his work to waste time sleeping or even fucking more than occasionally, and he felt a twinge of sympathy for the man that touched him far deeper than he was comfortable to admit.

When Mulder reached for him again after turning on the small bedside lamp to chase away the growing shadows, Alex went to him without hesitation.

There was more kissing than he was accustomed to. Usually, Alex's lovers wouldn't waste any time getting him naked and spread out on the bed, but Mulder seemed intent on taking this one step at a time, liberally interspersing rounds of serious tonsil chasing in between each stage of the seduction. It made Alex feel almost as if he were being courted, and the thought filled him with equal parts excitement and apprehension.

Clothes were shed without fanfare, and Alex found himself eagerly watching as Mulder's body was revealed to him. God, the man was beautiful, all long lines and smooth contours; a hedonist's wet dream come to life. The cock that rose from between his legs was beautifully proportioned, and Alex couldn't resist the temptation to touch him, to hold him, and the sounds that Mulder made as Alex's fingers closed around him were the sweetest music Alex had ever heard.

"Bed. Now." Mulder's tone was light, but his eyes were dark with arousal as he guided Alex back toward the bed. Alex obeyed without protest, stealing one last kiss before sliding back onto the smooth mattress behind him.

He hissed as his back touched the cool sheets, and he bit back a groan as Mulder's body fell over him, skin to skin. Mulder felt incredible against him, so hot and exciting and delectable to hold onto, and Alex spread his thighs eagerly, welcoming the hot hard rush of arousal that slammed through him when Mulder's erection pressed down against his own.

Mulder groaned and buried his face against the curve of Alex's neck, nipping at the sweat-slicked skin there, and Alex gasped under the sharp sting of the other man's teeth.

"God, Alex..." Mulder's hips were moving against him now, slow, languid strokes that seemed designed to drive them both mad as quickly as possible. His breathing sounded like a bellows in Alex's ear, a harsh *whoosh* of air that spoke eloquently of need and want and anguished desire. "God," he said again, and his voice was shaking. His face was still buried against the side of Alex's neck as he ground his hips down into the other man's groin. "You are so fucking sexy..."

"I would have let you fuck me the moment I met you," Alex admitted, his breath hitching as Mulder's teeth sank into his shoulder in silent reward for the statement. He hugged Mulder's body with his thighs, panting heavily. "Right there across the top of your desk, if you'd asked me to."

Mulder made a low sound deep in his throat, presumably at the image this provoked, and his fingers tightened to near pain over Alex's arms. Alex barely had time to catch his breath before Mulder was turning him over, guiding him onto his stomach with shaking hands that left trails of fire wherever they touched him. Alex gave in to their silent direction instantly, clenching his fists in the sheets to either side of him as he drew up on his knees, pressing his ass into the air.

"Yes," he breathed, inhaling the scent of Mulder from the pillow beneath him. Mulder's fingers were sliding down his spine, making his hips move restlessly. "Fuck me, Mulder."

"God, yes." Mulder's voice was low and throaty with unfulfilled need, and Alex had to bite hard on his lip to keep from screaming when he felt the other man's tongue touch the skin between his shoulder blades. What this man could do with his mouth... Alex closed his eyes and lay there shaking as tongue and fingers traced out a delicate tapestry of fired nerve endings over his back, working their way down his spine.

"Oh, fuck..." Alex moaned softly as Mulder began to suck a passion mark just below the small of his back, and his hips bucked mindlessly under the stimulation, held in place only by the strong hands that suddenly closed around them to hold him steady. He felt like he was drifting on a cloud of sensation, cut off from everything that had ever made sense to him, or mattered to him, or defined him as a person. The only things real to him were the near unbearable heat of Mulder's body behind him, and the hard, wet pressure of the suction against his skin.

He moaned again when that suction left him, and Mulder lapped at the bruised area softly, soothing the bright sting of pain. "You're so beautiful," Mulder murmured, lips warm against his skin, and Alex made a small humming sound of pleasure as those lips moved down to the cleft of his ass, leaving a moist exhalation of shivering warmth in their wake. "So beautiful, Alex..."

His hand slipped up between Alex's thighs, cupping his balls lightly, and Alex spread his legs further apart with a sigh, arching into the touch. A moment later, he felt Mulder's other hand clench over his hip as that talented tongue swiped across his cleft, and Alex choked back a sob as he felt the trail of soft, moist warmth slide over his anus.

Alex's vocabulary was reduced to low curses and gasping moans as Mulder proceeded to fuck him with his tongue, and Alex gave in to the pleasure impulsively, feeling the heat of it sear through him. Mulder's fingers were sheer torment against his balls, massaging gently with his thumb over the soft skin of his perineum, and Alex spared a thought to wonder just where this man had learned to be so fucking good in bed. The brief stab of jealously he felt as he thought of Mulder's previous lovers surprised him, and he turned his thoughts away from that direction hurriedly, burying his face in Mulder's pillow.

"Fuck me, Mulder," he said again, gritting his teeth, and he gasped softly in approval when Mulder pulled away from him to scrabble at the drawer of the bedside table. Mulder returned after only a few moments, and Alex looked back over his shoulder to see the unbelievably erotic sight of Mulder sitting naked on his knees behind him, face flushed and hair disheveled, tearing at the wrapper of a condom with his teeth. His cock was hard and heavy between his legs, the tip of it glistening with moisture that Alex wanted desperately to lick off. When Mulder glanced up to look at him again, his eyes were shining.

"Just relax, Alex," he said softly, smoothing one hand over Alex's back as if trying to calm a skittish animal. He looked down again as he rolled the condom on over his rigid cock, and Alex stared, unable to take his eyes away. Mulder was going to fuck him. Dear god, it was really going to happen.

"Please," he whispered, immediately embarrassed by the sound of low pleading in his voice. But the look Mulder graced him with was full of quiet affection, and that feeling of dull terror moved through Alex again, shivering through his bones. He closed his eyes against the sight of Mulder's face and turned his head forward again, resting his cheek on his folded arms.

Mulder's body was warm silk as it spread over him, draping over the folded curve of his back. Alex shivered, unable to help himself, and he gasped when he felt Mulder's finger slide over his anus, slick and cool with lube. "Relax," Mulder murmured to him, breath tickling the hair behind his ear. His finger probed gently into Alex's already moistened opening, creating a warm burn of friction inside of him. "I'm going to make you feel so good, Alex..." He nipped lightly at Alex's shoulder and chuckled at the resultant gasp it earned him.

Once again, Alex allowed himself to float free inside a cloud of boundless ecstasy, loving the feel of Mulder's hard body above him, the fingers moving inside him. He started to move his hips at Mulder's urging, fucking himself slowly on the man's fingers, and Mulder groaned as he nuzzled his face into the join of Alex's shoulder and neck, lapping up the sweat that pooled there.

It was almost unbearable when the fingers left him and Alex felt the hard bluntness of Mulder's cock press up against him, nudging its way forward slowly but with undeniable urgency. Alex felt Mulder's whole body tense above him, and Mulder muttered a few choice phrases of his own as he fought the urge to simply drive into Alex's body and claim him. Alex bit down on his lip as he felt the muscles at the entrance of his body stretch, and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force himself to relax. Nevertheless, he was panting heavily with more than just lust by the time Mulder had fully entered into him.

"You okay?" Mulder asked quietly, brushing Alex's bangs away from his face with the fingers of one hand. He sounded concerned, and Alex wondered suddenly what the other man saw in his expression. Alex took a deep breath and then let it out slowly.

"Yeah," he replied, just as softly. He shifted his knees slightly, breathing easier as the pain of the entry began its inevitable metamorphosis into the pleasure that he knew was waiting for him on the other side. He pressed his hips back against Mulder's groin experimentally and smiled at the low moan that the action wrenched out of him. "Just fuck me, okay?"

Mulder didn't seem to need any further urging. He tightened his hands around Alex's waist and began to ride him slowly, pulling out almost completely before sliding in again, a long, slow, glide that had Alex gasping and cursing before he even realized they'd begun. Alex's hands clawed at the sheets beneath him as Mulder kissed him right in between the shoulder blades, trailing his tongue up the back of Alex's neck to nuzzle in behind his ear.

"You smell good," Mulder whispered, licking at the skin behind Alex's jaw. He slid a hand down Alex's quivering side, and Alex moaned for him, lost in the pure wild joy of being fucked by this man.

Mulder's hand found his and curled their fingers together, holding Alex down against the mattress for leverage as he plunged in and out of his body. His other hand slid around Alex's waist to curl around his aching cock, stroking roughly in time with his deepening thrusts. Alex gasped for breath and simply held on as Mulder's body moved over him, in him, with him, and his world narrowed to the panting sweating groaning heat that hung with the heavy scents of sweat and sex in the air around them.

He knew it couldn't last, couldn't possibly last, but oh, how he wanted it to go on forever, this hard fast ecstasy that was both penance and absolution, nightmare and fondest dream. For just this one moment, he felt cut off from the fucking craziness that his life had become, the hard truth of knowing that his life was not his own, that everything he said and did was a lie, an illusion that would shatter with the faintest touch of reality's cold hand. For just this one, stolen moment, he could believe that he was what Mulder thought he was, and drown in the simple pleasure of finding relief in another man's arms.

And then Mulder was tensing above him, biting hard into his shoulder with a ragged moan as his hips launched into a broken rhythm of wild thrusts against Alex's ass. Alex arched against him, wanting to feel every bit of it, and he cried out in mindless empathy at the violent shudders that were working their way through the other man's frame. After only the briefest of pauses, Mulder's hand was moving on him again, jerking Alex's cock with an almost savage desire to have him share this moment with him, and then Alex's world imploded in a bright scintillation of ecstasy that vibrated out through every nerve ending in his body, making him scream Mulder's name with a passion that left his throat raw.

When it was over, he found himself lying on his side with Mulder curled tightly around him. Mulder was nuzzling his ear absently, giving an occasional lick to taste the salt of the sweat that dampened his hair there. Alex couldn't help but smile at that; Mulder's oral fixation was obviously not confined to sunflower seeds alone.

Alex's leg was half-lying in the wet spot that darkened the mattress beside him, and he shifted slightly, closing his eyes at the feel of Mulder's warm body stretched out behind his own. Mulder used the edge of a soft blanket to wipe off the semen that trickled down between his thighs, cleaning off Alex's softened genitals as best he could before tossing the wadded-up cover aside. Then he pulled the thin sheet up over their bodies and snuggled in closer against Alex's back, sliding an arm around him.

Alex stared forward into the deepening shadows that flocked through the room and tried to ignore the sharp pain that lanced through him at Mulder's careful attentions.

"Relax." Mulder seemed to sense his unease with a sixth sense that was almost accurate enough to warrant an X-file of its own. He pressed a soft kiss to the base of Alex's neck and hugged his arms tightly around his chest. "Just get some sleep. This doesn't have to turn into anything that you don't want it to, okay?"

The words were meant to be encouraging, Alex knew, reassuring him that Mulder had no expectations of him beyond what they had already shared. The irony was, he was the one who was thinking that he wished it could turn into more. He couldn't erase the image from his mind of Mulder's eyes as they'd looked at him on the couch earlier, so warm and deep and full of subdued affection. Or the way his hands had felt, gentle and giving and equally eager to share both pleasure and comfort with him. What would it be like to be able to pursue a relationship with this man, to think that someday, he might have a place in this life, in this bed, that wasn't contingent on a lie?

The fear returned then, cutting cruelly through Alex's post-coital contentment, but it was too late - the damage had already been done. He wondered if Mulder would ever know just what had been shared between them tonight, or just how much it had meant to him.

He wondered if it would make Mulder hate him all the more when he finally discovered what Alex's true purpose here was.

The thought was almost too painful to bear, and Alex turned his mind away from it with a bitter smile, concentrating on the warmth and the pleasure of Mulder's arms around him, the hard body curled against him, legs intertwining with his own. This was what was important, right here - this moment, this joy, and the future could just go fuck itself for all he cared. There would be time enough to think of such things in the morning. For right now, he would allow himself to be happy, and expect nothing more from the moment than what it was.

Barricading himself away behind the lies and illusions that sustained him, Alex allowed himself to relax into Mulder's arms. He listened to Mulder's slow breathing as it tapered off into the even rhythm of sleep, and he took a strange sort of comfort in it, almost able to bring himself to believe that he truly belonged here.

And for a few moments, it was almost enough.

The End  
7/7/01

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So, what did you think? Please let me know!  


  
Archived: July 13, 2001 


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